MAKING FUN OF MARTHA --
NOT A 'GOOD THING'...AROUND ME!
I'm livid. Furious. Enraged to the point that I must come to the defense of Martha Stewart. I'm really ticked. The elegance of my social schedule is on the line. This is
Martha we're talkin' about, folks, and you're beating up on her, just like you beat up on Dateline Jane and Canadian Celine and Anchor Chair
Connie. My Women, all of them. And I'm throwing my Final Four blazer over the mud puddle for ole Marth'. (By the way, she's got a great trick for getting that pesky mud and
street grime out of everyday wear. But, I shant digress.) This is serious.
OK. Sure. So Martha may have made a couple of phone calls, and made a couple a' hundred thou on a tip -- but hey, those artichoke souffle whipper-upper thingys
are expensive. And, let's be honest. I can't imagine anyone who owns stock, and who's any higher than a gecko in intelligence not getting a little inside scuttlebutt
every now and again. [MEMO TO FORTNIGHT WEEKLY EMAIL STAFF: Expect 'gecko-hugging' hate mail this week - refer them to Large Louis.] So, what's the big deal, I ask?
And then, to add insult to injury, five of my fine friends took the time to email this faux magazine cover to me, which needless to say, brought me to a flat standstill in
an already extremely hectic work week, while I tearily imagined Martha in the Big House. I did take time, however, to call my broker on a tiny, tiny tip which I'm sure the rest of
you 'unwashed' will hear about this week. Anyway, it was sad. There was Martha ... sprucing up her cell for those special holiday occasions.
ENOUGH, ALREADY. BASTA. QUIT. HALT. NO MAS.
CESSEZ POUR MOI, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!
You ridiculed Jane as a prima donna, when all she was trying to do was make Gumble, Brokow, and Stone look good. You put my friend Connie under the scope when she tried to
share an anchor desk with Rather; and then, there's Celine. You make fun of her "spark", while I find the bon vivant, chest slapping thumbs-up attitude... well... refreshing. Oh,
you've been messin' with my Ladies!
And then, of course, there's Martha. How can you have such a field day with someone who is so brilliant as to make edible napkin rings for dessert, for heaven's sake. And,
I die for the sweet and tart Lime Sable cookies -- perfect with double foo-foo Tuscany coffee while I edit my Fortnight Weekly columns. So come on -- give Martha a break. My Lord,
she was born in Nutley, New Jersey. You ever been to Nutley, New Jersey? Eh? [MEMO TO FORTNIGHT WEEKLY EMAIL STAFF: Expect hate mail this week from a place called
Nutley New...............]
HAVE A GOOD WEEK, EVERYONE...
AND THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT FEEDBACK!
O'C
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