HEY, SHIRLEY. GOT ANY SPARE
HEXAVALENT CHROMIUM ON 'YA?
Within the last week or so, a couple of friends of mine have had computer "issues". (I really like to use the word "issues", like the nouveau cool people do.
It's so much cooler to say someone's got computer "issues", rather than "...his computer just crapped out, Molly...!") Anyway, the computer "issues": One of these guys
served his computer for breakfast last Sunday, after it was toasted and fried by lightning sometime on Saturday; and the other guy just needed a new one. He's upgrading to a 1999
version of his 1995 late model dinosaur. Well, needless to say, all of this got me to thinking. Oh, Lord, here he goes again...
Computer hardware disposal. DUH...??? Bear with me, now. Did you know that more than 315 million units of computer hardware will be 'tossed' next year. That's over a
billion pounds of lead, 2 million pounds of cadmium and mercury, and -- get this -- about a million pounds of hexavalent chromium. Please. This is important. I don't
know of one salamander that has lasted five minutes within earshot of a stash of good, high grade hexavalent chromium. Heck, I once used the stuff to paint my bicycle, and
look at me! Anyway, that's a lot of "disposage". Not to mention the chips... ah, the little black chips that contain all our secrets. Sam Malone's 'little black book-in-a-box'!
Well, just as this looks like it might become one humongous problem for America, up steps... da dah ... Your United States Congress. You just thought they
were working on prescription drug "issues" and little things like the budget, and stuff. But in July, the "PC Disposal Act", or something like that, was introduced in the House,
which would tax computer disposal like a Jiffy Lube taxes oil recovery. We'll have to have cremations for our c-drives, and a "Forest Lawn for Floppies," for goodness sake.
"BUT, REST EASY, SALAMANDERS !"
With all the other important "issues" facing Congress, like elections and Arthur Andersen and Martha Stewart and more elections, I doubt if this landmark, or
LANDFILL , legislation will pass this year, but like a kidney stone, it WILL pass. And, of course, with it will come a brand new Federal Agency to lend a little enforcement,
like the "Division of Unused Hardware" (D.U.H., for short). And, of course, I'll probably need a license for using my vintage 1977 original IBM PC-1 to anchor a trotline on a nearby river.
(That's the most STABLE that device has ever been!)
Marketing gurus will have a field day! (Thank you). I can just hear it now. "... Welcome to the Muleshoe Mausoleum for Memory and Mouse... Would you care for an audio
headset while you tour? Good. Now, over here......."
HAVE A GOOD WEEK, EVERYONE...
OH, AND BUY YOUR MOUSE PAD A NICE BOX OF CHOCOLATES!
O'C
