I am not believing this! I am flat not believin' this. But, I've put the vast research staff on it, and it's all true. Every last, err, nugget. Check it out.

It seems there's a movement afoot, backed by our tastier fast food companies, both here and in Europe, to provide our chickens, beef cows and pigs with a happier trip to the slaughterhouse. I mean, this puts a whole new meaning to the term "happy meal"!

Here are but a few examples of what Wendy's, KFC, McDonalds, and Burger King are doing. First, they're funding, with a little prodding (ahem), research efforts aimed toward more humane treatment of their future quarter-pounders and chicken wings. And, for PETA's sake, it's being applauded by PETA -- that nice organization responsible for making me give up my mink seat covers in my ragtop.

And, if you happen to be a pig, you're in real tall cotton right up to the gas chamber. One minute it's mandated that pig farmers have to provide their pigs with 20-seconds of human contact, daily -- and the next minute that pig is part of my Egg McMuffin.

Seriously. A government official of the new European Union says that "pigs should be kept happy with two or three toys," and, that "...in winter, extra lighting should be provided to stop the pigs from becoming depressed." So, barn lighting is soon to be a law. Gotta' let the cows and chickens SEE the guillotine before they're actually under it. Dave (Wendy's) and the Colonel are both turning over in their graves right now!

Well, I, for one, am glad about the kinder, gentler way in which we're treating these kitchen bound beasts. I really mean that. Instead of a 'chicken in every pot', I say, 'a little pot for every chicken'! And, I'll think about this more humane treatment often while on the way to the fast food joint ... unless, of course, I'm in a hurry.