As income tax season rolls around, I'm always looking for creative scams with which to test all the new and wonderful tax laws. When I was just a kid back in the seventies (eh-hum), I actually deducted the medical expenses for my dog, Duke, only to find out that I could do so ONLY if they exceeded 2% of Duke's income. It was a creative gesture, not unrewarded I might add, by a nice visit from the Feds.

But I must admit that my creativity is lacking this year, so I'm simply going to do the next best thing. I'll steal some perfectly good ideas from our finer Sporting Institutions of Higher Learning, and figure out the tax advantages later. If, for example, "STATE U." can sell corporate sponsorships to benevolent benefactors of braggadocio like "The Archie Spurlock North Gate of Inez Mehaffey Field at Archibald Gunther Stadium", then I, too, am going to sell corporate naming rights to various parts of my condominium. It's just the "in" thing to do!

I do this based on the fact that any corporate contributor to such a wonderful part of Americana - my living, dining, and social quarters - would be doing so based totally on charity, and so there MUST be some tax loopholes. Let's start with the kitchen. I'll hit up a large investment banker to corporately underwrite my kitchen ... like, "The Campbell's Soup Bean with Bacon Stove in the Bankers Trust Food Preparation Area of the Invesco Dining Room at Rancho O'C." To us, it's where I fix peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. To the fat wallets, its a write off.

"Hey, Stanley, let's meet in the DaimlerChrysler Driveway at Bell-South Condo for a game of hoops ... you know ... O'C's joint..."

I think I'm going to like this! Now, to the bedroom. Let's see... How about "The Cingular Bedroom, overlooking ..." Or should that be, "Singular"? OK ... back to the taxes!