Howard Kurtz, the "media writer" for the Washington Post offered a column last week (before the alleged snipers were arrested) on the idiocy (my word, not his) of having on-air "news consultants" for the DC area sniper story. Kurtz said that networks and stations were filling the airwaves with so-called experts - former detectives and profilers, current psychologists and pathologists - all of whom felt perfectly comfortable talking about someone they knew absolutely nothing about. Kurtz said, "Never have so many said so much that could be so wrong." Even before the arrests, and especially now, I say, "Amen, Howard!"

I started writing this before the arrests, and just look at some of this, pardon me, 'crap':
      • (Forensic pathologist Cyril Wecht) - "Well, I think this person is a pretty disturbed individual..." WHAA?
      • (Former FBI man William Daly) - "I think he's sitting on his couch watching us..." HUHH???
      • (Former Army sergeant Eric Haney) - "They're white, and in their early twenties." WHOA??? You mean there might be TWO???

And, get this: Fox News, that bastion of Murdochian journalistic genius, even used former LA Detective "I found the glove and I'm cute" Mark Fuhrman, who offered, "Well, This guy is very media savvy." Duhhhhhh. Thanks Mark. With your help, we re-confirm the fact that if network news is a "nose", then Fox News is an "adolescent zit".

Hey, Network Suits...save some money, and use the characters in your own prime time or syndicated lineups for your "news consultants". C'mon. Role play. That's all the other guys do. It's a win-win situation. These actors (characters) have every bit of pseudo-knowledge about the subject matter as the so-called "outside consultants", AND think of the cross promotion. It's a no brainer.

For political "consultants", we've gotta' use Toby Ziegler with his mumblings or Josh Lyman with his "rare valid points" from The West Wing. And how about John Madden for election coverage..."BOOM, Dobrinski takes Iowa...WHACK...there goes California..."

Sam Waterston of Law and Order fame would run circles around Gretta Van Whatshername on legal coverage - mainly because he'd get Angie Harmon to come out of retirement, and well...who better on habeas corpus delicti stuff. But, to consult the criminal cases..... hmmmmm...

"Now, from our studios in Rockefeller Center, here's NBC News Correspondent Tom Brokaw."

"Good evening. I'm joined by our NBC News Crime Consultant Cosmo Kramer. Good evening Mr. Kramer."

"G i t t y-up!"

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