WARNING: MAY CAUSE GANGRENE...
BUT YOU'LL FEEL Soooooo MUCH BETTER !
OK. I give up... stumped. I've been involved in the advertising bidness, in some form for the better part of my life - heck, I remember selling panel ads for the
Italian National Railroad on the train ride to high-school each day, because I was bored with the daily "hearts" game. Actually, I was doing quite well at it until I decided to
start tossing in black-market American cigarettes as a premium ... and well ... that's frowned on. But, we were talking about advertising, and I'm stumped.
Just what gives with drug advertising?
The other night, I was watching the nightly Rick Perry-Tony Sanchez-Waggoner Carr-You Beat Your Hamster-John Cornyn-Ron Kirk-Nolan Ryan-Preston Smith Political Advertising
Television Show, which was interrupted by a short scene from The West Wing, when this ad came on for some drug that's supposed to treat depression. Wow. Shut my mouth!! A
delightful NON-POLITICAL ad!
It attracted my attention because of all the "warnings". I mean, these drug ads have more disclaimers than Amarillo Slim at a Gamblers Anonymous convention. Take the one
for "Nexium," for example. It's supposed to be for persistent heartburn. WARNING... May cause headache, abdominal pain, and flatulence. Now there's a trade-off - HEY
HONEY, MY HEARTBURN'S GONE, BUT ...UH ... WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
HOLD ON, DOCTOR GLAXO, WHAT GIVES???
Take this depression drug - or "anti"-depression, I guess. Here's a very pleasing TV commercial - pretty pictures, lots of colors and smiles...that kind'of
out-of-focus tranquil cinema trick...selling me something called Paxil. Now I certainly don't mean to poke fun at anyone suffering from depression. I realize it can be
serious. But give me a break. WARNING: MAY CAUSE NAUSEA ... WHICH MAY BE ALLEVIATED BY TAKING WITH FOOD. Well, Doc, if I have nausea, do I really want to be eating food?
Pouring gas on a fire comes to mind.
And, my Lord, these other warnings: WARNING: May cause sweating, yawn, tremor, constipation, and the dreaded "dry mouth". Hell, I thought "dry mouth" was what I had when I
gave up whiskey. Anyway, you get the picture. Just imagine being constipated 24/7, BUT HEY, YOU'RE NOT DEPRESSED ANYMORE. Boy that gives ultimate new meaning to a "Win-Win"
situation, eh?
Again, I'm not making fun of the disease, just the advertising, in which the warnings are required, I know. Heck, I may need that drug someday, myself. I'm sure I'll get
depressed if they ever arrest me for selling Carlo those black-market cigarettes. Hey, Doc, gimme' some Paxil...and, throw in some of that "dry mouth" stuff, too, OK?
HAVE A GOOD WEEK, EVERYONE...
O'C
